Communio Sanctorum

by Matthew Platakos

Saint George lost his spear and the dragon’s pinned him down

Saint Stephen lost a bet with a soggy Monday crowd

Saint Paul was going ninety before he crashed his motorbike

Saint Hildegard lost her visions to a spiritual general strike

Saint Mark got square eyes from the freaks on television

Saint Barnabas got lost on a reconnaissance mission

Saint Gregory burned the books his doctors called obscene

Saint James ponders ceaselessly the pope he could’ve been

Saint Anthony missed the bus from the burning citadel

Saint Sebastian copped an arrow from a wannabe William Tell

Saint Augustine lost a fight to an endangered hippopotamus

Saint Thomas was getting worried that He’d left and forgotten us

Saint Jane lost her faith in a round of truth or dare

Saint Clare took inventory of the depths of our despair

Saint Simon grew old and had no one left to impress

Saint Teresa confused war for a losing game of chess

Saint Ambrose had nightmares of the extinction of bees

Saint Andrew was cancelled for being a crook and a sleaze

Saint Charles retired to play Pink Floyd to his cabbages

Saint Vincent saw years of higher-than-normal averages

Saint Hubert shot an angel on a hunting expedition

Saint Gabriel intercepted broken enemy transmissions

Saint Joseph was on the plane the Day the Music Died

Saint Nicholas faced the jury and spread slanderous lies

Saint Cecilia was swept up in a wave of Beatlemania

Saint Matthew got lost circumnavigating Australia

Saint Edward named Jesus the king of the dance

Saint Vitus waltzed himself into a war with France

Saint Lucy showed us it was cool to be a martyr

Saint Thomas spilled coffee on the ink of Magna Carta

Saint Elmo grabbed gasoline to put out the flames

Saint Jude made it big to universal disdain

Saint Benedict was proclaimed highest lord of misrule

Saint Scholastica was tired of playing the fool

Saint Valentine was sprung in the midst of an affair

and Saint Peter’s final wish was to be dissolved into air.