How a Typo Changed the World
by Ann Gamsa
There has been a revolution in Darwinian Evolution:
Leading scientists have found buried deep, down underground,
A most shocking manuscript, locked away inside a crypt;
It’s the last thing Darwin wrote; listen carefully as I quote:
“My great theory of evolution
Has suffered from a substitution:
Where I wrote “A”; they wrote an “I”—
Why, oh why, oh why, oh why!
Can’t they get their spelling right!
People now run day and night,
Go on diets to lose weight—
Because of this malign mistake.
Survival of the fittest is not what I said!
If you’re sinewy and skinny
You’ve been hideously misled.
Hear ye! Hear ye! One and all:
It’s the fat, who have it all!
1869’s the year I announced for all to hear
My great theory for survival
Of the fattest, the most idle.
A stupid “I” instead of “A”
Has sadly led the world astray.
Here’s the science, here’s the truth:
In order to survive your youth,
Bestow your genes on hale offspring
You must eat and eat; eat everything!
Survival of the fattest is the song to sing.”
So, go and eat a fattening steak,
Followed by a cream-filled cake,
Then lie down all afternoon,
Lardy layers will pile on soon.
Throw away your diet book,
Stop exercising, always cook
With cream and butter afloat in batter,
In order to be healthy, you must strive to be fatter!
“Survival of the fattest,” is our cry!
The fit, despite they're strivings,
Will fail to fructify.
Ann Gamsa came to Montreal from Sweden at the age of 6 ½. She wrote her first poem at age 8, when she was home, sick with the mumps. Since then, she has written many poems, short stories, and stories for her grandchildren. In addition, she has written and published professional articles in her capacity as a psychologist and pain specialist. Writing, various creative projects (e.g. “Honouring Feet”), and acting are amongst her favourite pastimes.